The Pain of Love
by Lady Priscilla Violet Regina
Summary: Rated for suggestiveness (in later chapters) and extreme angst. Quatre's seach for Trowa, starting with his recovery from the Zero System...and Heero's thoughts as he blames himself for all that has happened. I need reviews to write more! If you read it,
1. Unseen Demons

The Pain of Love

By: The Lady Priscilla Violet Regina

Disclaimer: *cuddles with Duo* _Du-chan_: She doesn't own me! Or anyone else! 

__

Jen-chan: *evil grin* That's what you think...~.ó

No, just kidding, I don't own them. *pouty lip*

Warnings: Shonen-ai...if you take it that way. Could just be great friends! We'll see...

Prologue:

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Oh God, he's gone!

Shots were fired.

"No!"

More rounds blasted into the night, tearing through the alloy protecting the corpse of his beloved.

The yellow light faded, and the suit slowly turned off. Drifting closer and closer towards unconsciousness, the pilot's last thought was of him.

"Trowa...no..."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Chapter 1.

Unseen Demons

A faint humming filled the air, mingling with the smell of sterility. And of blood. The blonde's eyes opened slowly, painfully, as he battled for consciousness. The blinding, white, fluorescent light hit his optic sensors, causing him to twitch involuntarily and look away, hoping for some relief. Covering his face with the blanket lying on top of him, he boy closed his eyes again, trying to remember where he was and why he was there.

Voice floated to his ears, sounding muffled, but easily discernable.

"How is he?" a stern, commanding voice asked, coming closer. The shadow of the speaker fell onto the blanket, giving momentary relief from the light. Another figure appeared opposite the former, and a lighter, airier tone came from him.

"Better than before. Hey, Quatre, ya gettin up taday? Or are you gonna sleep in _AGAIN_?" the voice asked, pulling away the comforting quilt to reveal a squinting, blue eyes Arabian.

"Unh...Duo? Heero? Where am I? Where's..." he broke off, tears forming in his already emotional eyes. He looked around the room furiously, hoping that it was all a bad dream, and his Trowa would be sitting nearby, reading a book or drinking some tea but...he wasn't there. No novel, no drink. No Trowa.

Duo knelt by the side of the cot, sad expression weighing heavily on his normally joyful features. "Quatre...don't you remember?"

He refused to believe it. 'No.' he told himself. 'It didn't happen!' Turning to the braided boy, he spoke his thoughts. "No, Duo...that didn't happen! I know it didn't happen! Where's Trowa?! Show him to me this instant, Duo! Now! Where's..." he was stopped by strong arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind. Fighting back tears, he struggled in Heero's arms, until finally being turned around fiercely, facing the boy and his burning Prussian blue eyes. Still struggling, but not as viciously, Quatre writhed in his arms, no strength left to fight, but sheer will keeping him going. "No, Heero! No!" Finally, he stopped, breaking down into a sobbing mess that drenched Heero's tank top. But the Perfect Soldier still kept his strong hold, almost excruciatingly so, on Quatre, until at last, he collapsed, unconscious again. Releasing him, he lied the boy down, blonde locks falling gently across his forehead as he slept more fevered nightmares.

Duo got up to leave, but stopped at the door, noticing the pilot of Wing Zero was not following. "You coming, Hee-kun?"

The fifteen year old shook his head. "No, Duo."

The pilot in the doorway smiled, then shrugged. "All right, I'll have your dinner sent in here, then. Do you want the light off?" he inquired, finger hovering about the switch. Receiving a nod, he executed the action, then left the room, closing the door silently behind him.

Joining Wufei in the recreation room, he sat down, fiddling with his cross while the Chinese one played Solitaire. Not looking up, Wufei asked quietly, "Where's Heero?"

"In Quatre's room. I think he'll be in there all night again. I wonder why he insists on watching him so closely..."

Nataku's pilot offered some insight. "Probably because he feels he's the one who caused all of this to happen to Quatre. He pushed the Zero System on him, so it's partially his fault. He also knows the effects of the Zero System better than any of us, so he's watching out for any bad signs. Heero has a heart, you know..."

Duo shrugged at this. "Or maybe he just has a thing for Quatre, ya never know..."

Wufei looked up from his almost beaten game of Solitaire and glared at Duo over the tops of his black framed glasses, sighing at his childish ways. "Grow up, Duo." was all he said as he placed the last King on top of the Ace pile of the suit it belonged to. Pursing his lips, he stacked the four piles carefully, then divided them in half to begin shuffling them.

"Hey, Fei-kun, can I shuffle them?"

Wufei looked at him, once more over the tops of his glasses. He knew Duo hated when he did that. Showing him the back of the cards, he shook his head furiously. "No. These are my special cards. You'll lose one!"

Duo analyzed the ornate, black backed cards, admiring the gold Chinese dragon embosses on each. "No I won't! I'll be extra careful, I promise!"

Smirking at the notoriously clumsy boy, Wufei shook his head again. "No."

"Please?!"

"No."

"Pretty, pretty please with sugar on top and chocolate and..." Duo trailed off, naming every sweet thing he possibly could, all counteracted by a stern 'No.' from Wufei.

Their arguing, or rather, pleading and denying, echoed down the hallways of Peacemillion, reaching the room Heero and Quatre were in. The former sat in the dark, still next to the cot, watching the latter as he dreamed. Although he knew they weren't pleasant dreams...it was quite evident in the fact that the sleeping boy frequently cried out, tears rolling down his cheeks as he reached for an invisible protector. 

Heero knew he had to stay with Quatre. Trowa wasn't there...who else was there? Duo wouldn't have the patience, and Wufei honestly wouldn't care. Plus, they weren't the ones who caused all of this pain, this torture. It was all his fault this had happened. If he hadn't pushed that damned system on Quatre, none of this would have happened! They wouldn't have lost Trowa, Quatre wouldn't be in this hurt. Duo and Wufei wouldn't be arguing about who gets to shuffle cards because of the heated tension on the ship. Heero smirked. 'Hell, they'd still be arguing. They always argue.' Surprisingly, something that wasn't his fault. Everything else seemed to be...

He gazed down at Quatre's writing form, knowing the Zero System had done it's worst on this victim. Quatre wasn't strong enough for this system, just as Duo hadn't bee. 'No.' he contradicted himself. Quatre was strong enough, just not made to kill, like he was. The poor kid just cared so much that his emotions were toyed with by the system, twisting him, making him devoid of rational though. 'It did the same thing to me, but I learned to adapt to it, overcome it.'

But Quatre wasn't like him. He was blessed with the ability to show and express his emotions, it's how he had won Trowa. He envied their love like none other. How he wished he had even half of that with Relee--

"Quatre, what's wrong?" Heero's stern voice broke through the silence of his thought, trying to shake the pilot below him awake. He was screaming, hands reaching out to the darkness above him while he sobbed uncontrollably, continually repeating the name, "Trowa!" into the night.

'Why won't he wake up?' Heero thought worriedly, still shaking the blonde by the shoulders. Soon, he was yelling at him, desperate to end the horrors the Zero System plagued the boy with, knowing he didn't deserve half this much pain.

"Quatre, WAKE UP!" Heero shouted, giving the Arabian one rough shake. His streaming blue eyes popped open suddenly and he practically leapt into Heero's arms, trying to rum from the demons that turned his dreams into hideous nightmares. Heero pressed his lips to Quatre's burning forehead, arms wrapped around the boy as he silently prayed to no one, "Please, stop torturing him..."


	2. Hope on the Horizon

Chapter 2

Hope on the Horizon

The sun came into view gracefully as Peacemillion made its second pass around the Earth, flooding every room but the very inner chambers with a cold light, although seemingly producing warmth.

Quatre awoke with a start, remembering his fevered dreams and shaking all over from them, still scared. Looking up, he saw the face of his protector during the night, whose arms hadn't left their place around his shoulders, soothing his fears. A gentle, caring look was washed over Heero's features, like he had been protecting a child of his own. Quatre smiled. 'He cares so much for us...yet no one seems to notice it.'

Heero must have felt the Arabian's sea colored eyes on him for suddenly, he woke also, eyes on him, for suddenly, he woke also, eyes wide as he scanned the room quickly. Noticing the smaller boy in his arms, he stared down, almost seeming to now know what to do. The blonde sensed this and quickly left the comfort and warmth of Heero's embrace to sit on his cold hospital cot, smiling sheepishly.

"Thank you, Heero. For everything."

Duo suddenly came bursting in, a huge grin as always plastered on his face, which only seemed to get brighter when he saw Quatre was awake and sitting up without support. "Q-man! Hee-kun! You guys are up! Q, you never looked better! Do you think you can join us today? Out of the corner of his eyes, Duo saw Heero furiously shake his head. "But, why, Hee-kun?"

The Japanese pilot's cold Prussian eyes gazed over to Quatre, looking over and noting all of his bandages. "No, Do. Quatre still needs to rest."

Even Quatre felt disappointed at this command. "But, Heero...I'm getting tired of just sitting here, doing nothing. And I miss working on Sandrock. Please...can I at least get out of these bandages and hospital gown and get into some real clothes?" He tried his best to pull off the puppy eyes and pouty lip, an expression which worked well on his boy-like features. "Onegai?"

Heero sighed. He knew he would be feeling the same way if anyone kept him inactive for any length of time longer than...five minutes. "Fine, Quatre. You can get up and dressed, and I'll take a look at your wounds and see if they need bandaging. But, you cannot, I repeat, CANNOT work on Sandrock just yet. There is a possibility of collapse from overly straining activities, too much activity, or fatigue. If you start to feel funny or not normal in any--"

"I'll call you. Don't worry so much, Heero, it's not your style. Now get out so I can get dressed." Heero's eye diameter expanded slightly in surprise at Quatre's commanding tone, but he quickly recovered and start to excuse himself. Thinking the better of it, he stopped and turned, about to offer assistance, when he came into the view of Duo helping the blonde pull off his gown. 

That is when Heero was brought to the awareness of the fact that hospital gowns are not designed to have anything worn underneath then. Mouth dropping, Heero blushed straight to his roots at seeing the naked Quatre, and he quickly left, much to the amusement of the boys he abandoned in his wake.

"You'd think he's never seen a guy's body before!" Duo exclaimed, shaking his head in laughter.

~*~

Heero's eyes narrowed, and he stopped his inspection of the Zero's hull momentarily. Was that a blonde head he just saw in the corner of his eye, moving quickly up the side of Sandrock? No, Quatre was in the pilot room with Sally.

Wasn't he?

Frowning, the illustrious Gundam Pilot turned his head, trying to see Sandrock. But, _somebody_ just had to put their Gundam in between his and Quatre's...

"Braided baka..." he cursed almost silently.

Adjusting the system of pulleys holding him up, Heero moved around to the front of Zero, enabling him a full view of Sandrock.

And the little blond Arabian sitting on his shoulder, reading a book.

Heero sighed with exasperation, the released himself from the harness and floated towards Quatre, who seemed as if he didn't notice his approach. Landing on the Gundanium Alloy, the Japanese boy leaned against Sandrock's neck, watching the recovering boy, lips pursed.

After a few moments, Quatre stopped reading and placed a bookmark with the name 'Trowa-sama' on it in the crack to keep his place. Closing the book, he stared at it for a moment in his little hands, then turned his attention to Heero. Acting completely calm, Quatre asked quietly, "Is there anything I can help you with, Hee-kun?"

Heero just sighed out a, "Hn." and picked the boy up, floating to the ground with him. Setting him gingerly down, he again pursed his lips as he stared at him, analyzing every feature.

"Well, you never said I couldn't read on Sandrock, you just said I couldn't work on him. Reading isn't working."

Another sarcastic, "Hn."

Then, surprisingly, the Perfect Soldier spoke. "We need to talk about something." Duo appeared out of seemingly nowhere, brushing his hands against his normal black attire and grinning furiously.

"What do we need to talk about?"

"You need to talk about nothing. In fact, let's make that your mission for the day. Do not say a word, a single word, about absolutely anything. At all. Quatre and I, on the other hand, need to discuss something. Quatre, follow me."

The two boys promptly left the room, leaving a dumbfounded American with a braid in their wake.

Arriving in the conference room, Quatre took a seat as Heero locked the door, making certain they wouldn't be disturbed.

"Quatre...how are you feeling?"

The said boy scoffed. "You know I'm feeling great..."

Heero shook his head. "Not physically or mentally. Emotionally. The blonde shrugged, looking away. But Heero's Prussian blue eyes demanded attention, and quickly got it after the following statement. "Do you think he's alive?" Their eyes finally locked, and Quatre's immediately filled with tears.

He shook his head, breaking their stare, and dropped his forehead to his palms, shoulders quivering as he cried. "I don't know, Heero...I hope so, so god damn much it hurts, but I don't know..."

Heero, continued to stare, hands clasped before him and resting on the table. Face still not showing any emotion, but a thousand of them being thrown around his head, Heero quietly asked, "Do you think he's dead?"

Quatre looked up sharply, thin eyebrows furrowing furiously as his light eyes seemed to burn. "Of course not!" he replied, scowl crawling across his normally pleasant features.

"Well, if you don't think he's dead, then you must believe he's alive, right?"

The blonde still stared, trying to intimidate the leader of him and his friends, then realized his mistake in answers. Looking down at the table sheepishly and tracing the grain of the wood with his finger, he slowly nodded.

Heero sighed. "Then you must want to find out where he is, right?" Quatre nodded again, this time faster. "Me too." The Arabian looked up locking eyes with Heero again.

Almost silently, as if he were a mouse, Quatre asked, "You do?"

Never breaking the stare, Heero nodded. "He has to be alive. Trowa's tougher than that. One attack from his little, temporarily insane, Zero system affected koiboito is not enough to kill him. Either that, or I've grossly over-estimated his abilities, and I doubt that." Standing to leave, he added with a smirk, "And, he is a Gundam Pilot, after all."

Quatre remained in the conference room, a million questions storming through his head. Most abundant of which was, of course, as to the location of his beloved Trowa. Was he floating through space somewhere, all by himself? Was he being held by Oz officials? No...he ruled that option out. They would have paraded their catch on all the publicity they could, trying to show how powerful they were. And Howard hadn't heard anything, so they knew he hadn't been found by those villains. Had he been found at all? By whom?

Tortured by the lack of knowledge about the whereabouts of his koi, and curious as to what Heero had been planning, Quatre got up and left the room, wiping away stray tears.

'I hope we find him soon...'


End file.
